OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
