Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
