True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
