You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We got so high we made milksteak
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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