my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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