OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
