Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
