Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
