You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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