Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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