What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
