you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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