Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
me + whiskey = a bad person
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
