we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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