I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm just crazy horny about you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
