We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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