Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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