I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm both gender and math confused
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
