My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
