oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
