But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
