this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it because I queefed?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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