just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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