Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
