just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
