my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
