if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
