i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I need a burrito and a hug.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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