How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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