So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
