Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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