I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
