I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
