I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she peed on how many people?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
