i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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