when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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