I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's blow job season.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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