I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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