I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
