Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
