Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
