Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize