My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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