no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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