There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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