I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
