just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
