So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
