Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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