all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
