My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
