i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
