im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
