i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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